Resurrections

I had a friend, Candace, who I started calling Goose when I was 21 years old, because of some dumb guy, Chase, that I was dating at the time. He was trying to come up with cute and unique pet names for me. One day, he called me Goosey-poo, which I quickly shut down for obvious reasons, and Candace and I thought it was so funny, I teased her with it, and later shortened it to just Goose.

Let me tell you a little about Goose. She was my BEST friend. We'd known each other since we were 12, and I shared all my secrets with her and she with me. We were super close, always spending time together, going on wild adventures, going to concerts, eating, venting, traveling, whatever it is best friends are supposed to do, we did it. 

During one of our random and powerful venting sessions, we came to a conclusion that I... am cursed. 

Every guy I've ever dated likes me, decides he doesn't want me (for various, and often similar reasons), bails and tries to come back (for various, and often similar reasons). 

It has NEVER failed.

EVER. 

Every guy that has ever left me makes an attempt to come back. Why they don't just stick around in the first place is beyond me. 

We jokingly started referring to exes coming back as "coming back from the dead".

"I resurrected another one." 

"Guess who's back from the dead?"

"Guess who's resurrected?"

I instantly thought of Goose when JD resurrected.

Unfortunately, Goose is no longer in my life. She, herself, resurrected, but I chose to keep her buried. Another paper plate in a world of recycling bins.

This resurrection theory, curse, if you will, is what made me hesitant to openly and honestly pursue a relationship with JD.

I'm tired. Tired of being "that girl". The one that's "perfect", and "everything I've ever wanted". I'm tired of being "something else". I'm tired of being what I've coined the "after thought/realized girl".

You know the one. The one that AFTER he's had a chance to THINK about it, he REALIZES he made a mistake and his reasons for leaving weren't really good enough to not be with me, so he wants another shot.

He wants to be resurrected.